I recently and somewhat extravagantly purchased a George Foreman grill. Like with every other gadget I buy I congratulated myself and said ‘Hooray! This will make life so much easier!’ in my best Crazed Inventor’s voice. The other people in Argos were not impressed – I can only assume that they already owned George Foreman grills. Nor were they suitably awed that I, an independent man of means, could afford the more expensive version of the cheapest type and was now the proud owner of a George Foreman grill with a variable heat setting button. Some people will go to any lengths to strike a fellow down, I tell you.

Lest you think, dear reader, that I am an irresponsible cad, I can tell you that this was no accidental splurge. I had long deliberated on acquiring such an implement for the kitchen and decided that the prospect of mostly my own company and limited budget for a while meant now would be the perfect time. Like a proud hunter-gatherer I walked home with my prize and immediately set about cooking.

What I found out was that while Indian-style yoghurt-marinated chicken is tasty and surprisingly quick to make, it leaves an unholy mess. So now I’ve spent 10 minutes buying, 10 minutes using and 30 minutes cleaning a George Foreman grill.

Next time I’m making roasted vegetables.